Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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