I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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