I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
