Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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