You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
