people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
