just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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