mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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