remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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