Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
