There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
