A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
