nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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