I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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