How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
