i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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