So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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