The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
