I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize