so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
