i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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