I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
