You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
