Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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