After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
