I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
