In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
