grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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