Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
