What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
