Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
