two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
