yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
