Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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