im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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