So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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