You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
