you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
