I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How's work?
Spinning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
