you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
