so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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