If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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