I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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