i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
