forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
