If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
