You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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