I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
