I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess