I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?