I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.