quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?