I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet