Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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