I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
