im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
