I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
