I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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