Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You made out with two different species that night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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