Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
