So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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