Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Small penises have feelings too.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
