Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
