Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
