im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
